My brother had his new iPhone delivered to my house. I am in posession of a number of glittery kitten stickers. Should I play Pimp My Phone?

Driving around burwood. I like going in cars, it’s a novelty. I usually only do it once or twice a month.

Coach Trip is visiting Split. I want to go back!

I keep getting added by people whose names I vaguely remember (but not their faces or personality) on Facebook. No idea if we were friends.

Just spent the last two hours locked out of the house. I’m a moron.

The Revenge Files of Alistair Fury is the best kids’ show on TV. It’s making me LOL.

My eye twitch has returned with a vengeance. I am pissed off!

Today is the day I beg all of Twitter to bare-handedly rip out my internal reproductive organs. But you’ll deny me, won’t you? Bastards!

38 degrees? Naw! Really?

STUPID HORSE! I told you to run fast! Why didn’t you follow my brilliant advice?